Song of Solomon 1

Erin and I are getting back into gear. We have decided to read one chapter at a time (my request) so I can really pay attention to one message. We decided to start with Song of Solomon. It is a beautiful love story, which I love, so it has already grabbed my attention.

I read chapter one and couldn't figure out what the message was. It starts out with King Solomon and his wife confessing their love for each other. My favorite verse was:

"Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out."

Isn't that beautiful? Poetry at it's finestest.

improvement in the making

A quick note- life has improved over the past 48 hours. Communication and progress have been made.

Praise the Lord.

And I have internet at home now so I will be able to blog in peace (no office distractions in the background).

Linz

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"

I know that believing in God will fulfill your life in every way possible but being a Christian does not mean bad things won't happen to you. Christians face the trials of everyday life like anyone else (Divorce, Death, Debt, Addictive Behaviors, Depression, ect). The list could go on. The difference is that as a Christian we believe God will hear our prayers and bless us. It may not happen in the way we want it to or when we want it to ~ but the Lord will give us the answers if we listen.

Life has been hard on me lately. I'm not sure that I'm ready to dish all my troubles on a public blog but I do know that my present reality is really testing me and it is scary. I remind myself that maybe I asked for it. I have acted in ways that are not kind, thoughtful, or fair. I'm far from perfect but I also have to believe that some things just happen because they are meant to. Maybe these hard times were destined to happen, regardless of my actions. Maybe the writing was on the wall all along and I never wanted to see it.

I do know that I'm going to have to make some life changing decisions in the near future. Half of me wants to get it over with and move on and the other half of me is in mourning over something I wanted so badly. What should I do? Have faith, in God, that he will provide me with hope, strength, a shoulder to cry on? Yes, I should have faith in God. He has never steered me wrong. I also need to have faith in myself. I need to believe in myself and that everything will be Ok. I can survive anything. I will get through the sadness, loneliness, and anger. I will be happy in this life.

Like the quote says- sometimes the right decision is the toughest one to make. I need to make the right choice.

Times goes by when you're SLAMMED!

I am making strong efforts towards my "transformation of 2009" but this past week has put me behind. It is so easy to get caught up in your daily life that you forget to take time or MAKE time to focus on yourself. Between work kicking my butt, reading Twilight, and being sick with an awful head cold I am seriously behind on my quiet times. This is not to say I haven't had prayer or endlessly thanked God for all my blessings. I have also had many prayer request lately, especially for people who are sick which include my Grandma Gilbertson and Nachole's mother Mrs. Hager.

The Lord knows I'm thinking about him and my prayers go up to him everyday. And I know Twilight is not near as important as Scripture but that's the Devil enticing me about a book with vampires and forbidden love. It's too hard to resist! How does one manage it all? Marriage? Kids? Work? Your Faith? Family? Friends? House work? Bills? ME TIME?

But somehow we do it, without even thinking. We find a way to do it all. It's a part of our society, our culture as Americans. We put way too much on our plates and forget to take care of ourselves. I'm trying to stop this bad habit. I know the Lord wants me to have some quiet time. But it will have to wait until after the weekend ~ we're headed to Clarksville to visit family! The circle of fun continues ;-)

Picture of Ruth

I wanted an image of Ruth and this is what I found. This is a scene from her book. I believe this is she and Boaz.

Ruth ~ Chapter 2

I'm going to focus on Ruth on my blog. I'm reading Psalms and John but nothing has really stuck me yet. But Ruth ~ she is awesome. She is faithful, smart, hardworking, and giving. I've enjoyed reading about her. I read chapters two and three today. The verse that stuck out to me was this one ~

2:11-12 Boaz replied, "I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge."

When I read this passage it spoke to me. Ruth put her mother-in-law before her. Rather than going back home to familiar place with her family she took the hard road, even though in the end she would prosper. God would reward her for not being selfish but rather loving someone more than herself. This is a message I need to remind myself of ~ to put other's before myself. To sacrifice the easy road to help someone else in need. I've had trouble doing this lately. So I ask the Lord to forgive me for putting myself first and not thinking about what may be best for the people I love.

Ps. I'm working out again tonight- 2 night this week! I'm excited and looking forward to it!

I'm on a Mission

I'm on a mission to LOOSE THE WEIGHT! I've gained a lot of weight over the past year. A lot of it is due to stress and emotional eating. The rest of it is due to my laziness. There was a time I was in serious shape. I played sports year round, worked out, ran, and wore a size 6! I was looking at some old dresses that were still in my mom's guest room closet. I wore these dresses my senior year of high school (mind you, that was a decade ago). There were size 4 and 6. It was unreal how small they were. It is hard for me to believe I was that small but I was.

I am tired of being over weight. I'm tired of not fitting into anything I own. And I'm really tired of how it makes me feel and look. If I don't stop this horrible routine I'm in I'm really going to blow up and I refuse to let myself get that way. So I worked out the other night!!!! My company has a really nice gym with showers, a big flat screen tv, and nice equipment. I'm taking advantage of the FREE gym which is only on the floor below me. I brought my work out clothes with me and I'm going to spend a good 30 minutes of the treadmill. My goal is to loose 30-40 lbs. I know I can do it!!!!!

May God encourge me and give me strength!!

Without my child

I can't explain the sadness that seeps over you when the lights go out at night. I watch my son peacefully sleeping and I have a million thoughts running through my head. I know that in two nights he won't be with me. He will be with his daddy and I will be alone. I've never been without my child for longer than a night and a day. In fact, for the first year of his life we never went a night a part. Now I'm facing three nights and three days with him. How am I going to cope?

I haven't let myself get upset until at night when no one is around but me and my sadness. I don't want to worry my parents. I haven't told many friends, maybe two, and definitely not co-workers. It's a very private matter. Being separated is exactly how it sounds. You're heart is separated from everything you love and know. You're other "half" is not there so it is very difficult to function.

Working on myself will help- no doubt. I realize praying, keeping my faith, working towards peace within my family will make this terribly sad situation better. But only God knows how long it will take or what the outcome will be. What I do know is that no matter how sad, lost, lonely, or heart broken I may be....there must be a reason for all of this. I have to believe something good will come out of it. Rationalizing why you won't see your beloved child for three days...it's nearly impossible. I'm trying really hard to do it though.

Chapter 1- A Surprise!

Erin and I are reading the same chapters each night and then blogging about our quiet times. It's great to share this experience with a friend. Not only will she hold me accountable if I don't keep up...I enjoy blogging about because I can share these intimate quiet times and then reflect on them.

Thankfully, Erin suggested www.biblegateway.com to me yesterday because my Bible was packed away and not easy to get to. It's a great way to look up a verse or even read a chapter or two when you're online. Check it out!

I'm going to start with the Book of Ruth, Chapter 1. I've never read the Book of Ruth so I was quit ssurprised to find how much I enjoyed it. Like Erin, and I copied this from her blog, this verse stood out most to me:

"Where you go, I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." ~Ruth 1:16-17

It has been a long time since I wrote about what I've read in the Bible so I'm going to do my best here. This passage to me was beautiful. Ruth was expressing her devotion, love, and service not only to her mother-in-law but to Jesus. When you become a Christian and give yourself to the Lord you put behind your life before you knew him. And although it may be difficult at first in return you will have a fulfilling life with God.

Personally, the idea of walking with the Lord and putting behind my "normal lifestyle" is a little scary. People may ask why? Why would becoming a Christian, knowing God will be your constant companion and Loving God be so scary? Well....when change is supposed to occur (ie, give yourself to God, follow his word, and be an example) that isn't part of my normal daily routine. But Ruth is an example to me. Her mother-in-law Naomi told her to go back to her life after her son died (Ruth's husband) but Ruth refused. She knew taking on new people, a new God would be hard but she did it anyway.

I have not read the rest of Ruth but I know it will be good. I'm looking forward to it.

I enjoyed Psalm 1 and John 1 but I am not able to elaborate on them right now. I apologize. I will continue this blog later this evening. What I will say is that I am excited to take on this adventure and I know God is watching, listening, and smiling!

Lindsay

The Beginning

I'm definitely starting the new year off with a bang. It hasn't been easy to say the least. My friend Erin drove down this past weekend to hang out and to talk about some things going on in my life. She really helped me see that my faith would only get me so far. I also need a relationship with God. I've been a Christian since I was young and made a commitment to God when I was 15 years old. I was baptized when I was 15 at St. James Episcopal in Warrenton, VA. I was given Godparents, Jim and Ann Gwathmey. They have been a huge part of my life ever since. I could go on and on about my past but this is about the present and the future.

Since then I've been married and I had a child. Lucas is now two and my husband Joseph and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years now. Life hasn't been to easy on us. We married quickly and became parents even quicker. We had a premature baby, moved, were living on 1 small income, and moved again (twice). So a lot has been on my plate since I fell in love with Joe. We've had the odds against us from the beginning. And now I've come to a point in my life where I can recognize what the stress has done to me, my faith, my body, and my heart.

I need a spiritual transformation and now. I need to be right with God. I need him to know that I am at his mercy. I need him to know that I trust in him like I always have. I need to find peace even if times are hard. So I'm hoping this blog will help keep me guided. I will post some of my quiet times on here and others thoughts and stories I might have. I hope by doing this that whoever reads this blog will see the amazing changes that occur in my life.

I'm also going to blog about other changes I make in my life (ie. going to church, working out, loosing weight, making friends, and anything good in my life). There is no doubt I won't talk about my family because they are numero uno. This blog is a more personal blog than the other one I have. This blog is about my inner-self and my walk with Christ. It will be honest, truthful, and maybe even inspiring. We shall see!

God Bless,
Lindsay