Lent = Love

I am an Episcopalian so therefor I take part in Lent which began on Wednesday, February 25th. I haven't participated in a few years so when I noticed it was coming up on the calender I told myself that this year I was going to do it. This is a great opportunity to bring myself closer to God and remind myself everyday that he gave his only son for my sins. I mean that is huge! Think about how much you love your child ~ can you imagine sacrificing your child for other people's sins???? It would be unbearable.

So I had to think of something that I love, I mean really love so it would hurt everyday. And I figured it out. SODA! I know what you might be thinking, that's it? Soda? You have no idea how much I love to pop open a soda can when my lunch break starts. I love the first sip, the fuzzy carbonation on my tongue, and the pick me up you get from the caffeine. It has only been two days and I'm having serious with drawls. All I can think about is that for the next month and a half I can not drink any soda- not even a Sprite.

It pains me but it's worth it. When I think about what God has given up for me and how much he loves me how can I not give up one vice? It makes it easier when I think of him and that every time I have that desire for a carbonated beverage I remember something bigger, something more powerful than my need for caffeine. I think about an everlasting God who sacrificed his only son for me. It reminds me to thank him and praise him. And that is what it's all about!

What is the Lord's plan for ME?

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately, What is the Lord's plan for me? How does he want to use me on this earth? It can't possibly be for security- I know that because it does not feel right. Security is not my purpose in life, it's a pay check, simple as that. So if my current job, the one that pays my bills gives me no satisfaction then what the heck will?

I've asked God this on many occasions. He may have answered me but I'm just not looking in the right places. My friend Katie asked me, "What is one thing you did as a child that you could get lost in doing because you were so happy?" EEK! I have no idea?? I mean I loved sports, dancing to my Dirty Dancing Soundtrack, and playing make believe? Does that mean I should be an athlete/dancer/actress? I doubt it. The only answer I could give her was that I really liked being a part of Young Life in high school. Young Life was fulfilling for me. It introduced me to the Lord, gave me confidence, strength, friends, and happiness. I was a part of a group that was based around loving God and doing good for other people. I will always say that being part of the Rockbridge work crew YL Camp was one of the best experiences of my life.

If I wanted to take YL to the next level it's possible I could work for them full time. I could be that mentor, YL leader, who makes a difference in people's lives. I want to be that awesome speaker who tells my story, hoping that maybe one person will be affected in a positive, maybe life changing way. But is that my calling? Or is that just a nice idea that will eventually get pushed aside like the rest of my ideas. How do I know when to actually go for it? When will I know that this is the right fit for me?

I intend to keep praying about it. I intend to ask God- please lead me in the right direction- show me what you want me to do for you. I know one thing, I need FAITH, in myself. I'm scared. It's true. I'm scared about what I want to do with my life as far as a job....and where I want to live. I know Joe and I want to leave the South- but to where? Where is home for us? Everyone says, it's where you find a job. Well, duh! But I don't even know what job to apply for. This is the ugly cycle that I'm stuck in. So if anyone has any suggestions as to what I should do, or if you would like to pray for me and my husband, please do because I need the help.

Until then...security in Alabama will have to do and I will keep dreaming up my crazy ideas!